A couple of years ago I was a painfully shy, awkward, single and overweight teenager. I had friends, but was never popular, but that didn’t matter to me as I’ve always believed quality is better than quantity. I am still friends with these people and now when I go back to my parents to my “old local” I like to see how other peoples lives turned out, who’s got fat, who’s got thin etc.
I was bullied at school for being fat and when I went to the doctor about my acne I was told I was too heavy to go onto the pill. For me this was the kick up the arse I needed to do something about it. I started small, stopped eating the takeaways my dad oh so loved, I learnt to say no. I’d tried loads of times in the past to lose weight, but I don’t think I put enough effort in, it’d be like “Yeah, I’m on a diet” then I’d eat a bar of chocolate and veg out on the sofa. This time I decided I would stick to it. I started taking advantage of the beautiful town my parents live in, all the parks and woods and the long summer evenings. I went for walks with my best friend. We’d use the time to chat so it never really felt like exercise as such. I carried on and on and today as I sit here I’ve lost almost 7 stone and am a size 10. When I did my first long walk back in the summer of 2010, I never thought I’d ever be a size 10, but that feeling of elation when you buy your first pair of size 10 jeans is amazing.
During this time, I had lost quite a bit of weight, but not as much as now, a friend of mine made a comment that I’d been flirting with someone on Twitter. I hadn’t really realised it, but looking back I think we probably were flirting. So she told me that he liked me and we started texting each other. We found we both loved British Touring Cars and that we could make each other laugh. My face lit up when his name flashed up on my screen (and still does might I add!) and I started staying up late preferring to text him that go to sleep even though I had to be up for work at 6am (I worked as a carer for a year before going to uni). On the 9th April 2011 we finally decided we were going to give things a go as a couple, I’d never had a proper boyfriend before, I was too shy (and I imagine this is still the case) whenever I decided I liked someone I became unable to actually speak to them. As much as I wanted to, nothing would come out of my mouth and I ended up looking stupid. Well similar things happened on 17th April 2011 at Donington Race Circuit. We were at touring cars and it was the first time we’d met properly. We had both admitted we were shy and as per usual I couldn’t really talk. It is now that I look back and am so happy that my now boyfriend continued to try on that day, texting me to ask me to go for a walk. I’m so glad I did because that was the time when my life really changed.
We’ve been together ever since. At first it was along distance, I could only come up every other weekend when I wasn’t working, but then I spent a couple of weeks here when I had 2 months off of work with slipped discs in my back. It became harder to leave and now I live here. I honestly couldn’t imagine my life without him and certainly couldn’t imagine ever sleeping alone again. I went to uni in September and stayed at the residences in the first term, but after I came home at Christmas I couldn’t go back so now commute from Essex to Southampton for uni and am hoping to transfer to somewhere closer after I’ve passed this year.
I always thought I’d be a high flying career woman, but then I fell in love. I know it’s totally cliché and a lot of people will probably think I’m stupid, but I don’t see myself like that anymore. I am at such a happy place, I love cleaning the house, cooking, baking, being fully domesticated. Simple things like putting the washing on the line and smelling it when it comes in when it smells of outdoors make me happy. I’ve realised that it’s OK to not want to go out and be a stereotypical young person. I’m 21 next month, but I feel much older and this doesn’t bother me one bit. In fact, I had a moment at the doctor’s the other week, he said to me “you’re 20” and I actually said “Am I? I feel so much older” This may be because of the age gap between me and my other half, but I’ve always been mature for my age and never wanted to go out drinking all night. When I was younger I’d go out because I wanted to fit in and I thought it was the done thing, but now I’m more than happy to say no and not care what people think, I’m happy at home with my boyfriend and a hot chocolate watching TV and going to bed early and sober.
It’s only in the last few days that I’ve actually realised how content I am. In fact this moment of realisation was the other morning when I was hanging washing out on the line. I’ve made new friends in the last few years, friends who understand me, yes I still have my old friends, but I have new ones at the same “life stage” as me and who also agree that there’s nothing wrong with being happy at home and not wanting to go out.
I know this is heavy reading for a sunny Thursday night, but I was having a moment of deep thought and decided to write about it. On that note my other half has just come home and said to me “I need you to iron a shirt for tomorrow” so I’m going to go iron and I love it 🙂
Dessert with a sprinkle of beauty.
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